Aspen Hawley's Journal

Ways that lovely ladies in bikinis know it's summer:

- "Oh, how interesting that my Frisbee landed in your lap! Maybe you'd like to play, you look athletic!" Really? My breasts look athletic? Well, they do kick a lot of arse.

- "You looked hot, so I bought you this ice cream." Lucky for both of us I'm not lactose intolerant.

- "Hola, senorita! Fancy a margarita?" You are SO WHITE.

- "Did I accidentally spray you with water during our water gun fight? I'm so sorry, let me sit here for an hour and tell you how sorry I am and also my entire life story!" Sorry, mate, now that I'm wet I think I'll go for a swim. Over there. By myself.

Or, you know, maybe with my boyfriend.

Bex, have you popped that kid out yet? The beach just isn't the same without you and you're going to have fantastic breasts!